I do not have a healthy relationship with food. Or should I say I don’t have a healthy relationship with the part of my brain that decides what and how much I eat. I so desperately would like this to change, and I’d been hopeful that it could, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it just isn’t going to. And I would venture to guess that for anyone with the food and weight issues that I’ve had most of my life, that relationship will never change either. It would certainly explain why so many people gain weight back after working so hard to lose it.
When I started Weight Watchers last year, I was diligent about tracking every little thing I put in my mouth, even on the days that I was allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted. For 9 months, I knew exactly the number of points I consumed every day. I also knew how much water, vegetables, fruit, proteins and whole grains I was eating. I tracked those too. And I tracked by hand. I wrote everything down with a pen… on a piece of paper. And by tracking, I got much better at making sure I was eating quality food. I lost the first 50 pounds slowly but consistently, which was the right way for me. It was manageable and I never felt deprived, and I was satisfied when I stepped on the scale each week.
After the first 50, I started using the online tools. It seemed easier and more convenient. I sit in front of a computer all day. Once my foods were in the system, it was just a click to track. Easy breezy. I continued to lose, but it was much slower. 13 pounds in 6 months (or 11 if you go by my scale today). And it got frustrating. However, I rationalized that this was because I don’t have as much to lose, my body has adjusted to the exercise, etc., etc. And while those reasons might be valid, I know the truth, whether or not I want to admit it. I didn’t like that the system automatically took points from my weekly extra points rather than my exercise food points. That made me feel like I was slipping. Like I said, mine is not a normal relationship…
So I started tracking most things, up to the points I was allotted, and keeping track of the rest in my head. Bad idea. Then, what Weight Watchers calls BLTs (bites, licks and tastes)…I started leaving those off too. Trust me, those BLTs add up when you aren’t watching. And then I just stopped tracking altogether (other than in my head). I split with Weight Watchers recently for financial reasons, but figured I’ve got this down now. I’m in a good food and exercise routine after all at this point. I have a healthy relationship with food now…NOT!
I had an epiphany yesterday. After eating all of my allotted points by 3 in the afternoon and then scarfing two slices of pizza for dinner, I realized that I was slipping back into old habits. I “deserved” that pizza and all the extras I ate yesterday because I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress. Honestly, it just added to the stress. And by not tracking, I didn’t have to deal with it, really. It wasn’t concrete. It wasn’t on paper. By not tracking too, my nutrition has gone down the tubes. I’ve been opting for the easier choices, even when I am staying in points. And that’s not good either, considering my body needs the proper nutrition to keep up with the exercise.
I’m not in a danger zone yet. I still have control over what I eat most of the time. But little by little, I’ve been letting it slip. And little by little is how I’ve always gained weight back in the past. I’m tracking again, starting today. On paper, with a pen. I’ve got plenty of those little Weight Watchers trackers from when I was tracking online. And when I run out, I’ll make my own.
If I want to continue to lose weight or even maintain the weight I’ve lost, tracking is going to have to be my “healthy” routine for life. And by tracking I mean Every. Single. Thing. I. Eat. Without it, that part of my brain that decides what and how much I eat is going to take advantage and sabotage my efforts. And I’m not willing to let that happen….again.
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You’ve taken back control on what you eat! Good for you!
I have this colleague who lost really a lot last year. I was almost jelous of her but today I’m not because she gained it all back and more while I stayed the same during her weightloss period and since a few months lose weight. She followed some idiotic expensive diet which proves again those don’t work.
Just keep tracking and exercising and you will get there!